Adair Andre, Staff Writer
Adair “Triple A” Andre is a staff writer. She isn’t talented enough for anything else. Adair tries to run with the Girls’ Cross Country team, but usually they will ask her to stop since she’s so slow. When not trying to run, Adair enjoys eating as many things as possible whilst hitting shuttlecocks at an assortment of people, including her very famous Chef-Coach, Roger “The Cooking Coach” Andre. On another note, Adair’s longtime boyfriend, Robert Pattinson, recently left her to be with the emotionless Zooey Deschanel. She is currently taking applicants for a new boyfriend. Requirements include being able to sing her to sleep with Mötley Crüe’s 1987 hit, “Girls, Girls, Girls,” and bringing her chocolate-covered-bacon any time, day or night, in under 6.3 minutes. She resides with her father, her mother Leeshi, Sarah, Clare, and Eva (all chickens), a killer-rabbit named Lucy the Man Eater, Wilhelmina the Hedgehog, and the king of the sloth kind, Karl.
