Simon Tessmer-Tuck has earned himself a bit of notoriety among avid Zephyrus fans. His credit on the physical newspapers may seem humbling, as simple “multimedia staff” is the only title that Simon officially boasts. But in the realm of the digital sphere, among the true Zephyrite’s best kept secrets of our publication, the Zonion always lands up top, an Instagram section specializing in satirical news stories, like the critically acclaimed Onion it parodies. Simon probably considers the Zonion his most precious brain child (I didn’t think to ask). And he’s about to tell me how he did it right now.

“High school was… an experience: not always a great experience, but I’m glad I’m going on to the, you know, other stuff in my life that I’m really excited about. You see, I am a big music person.” And this is where I reveal that the lede of this article is completely pointless because the rest of it is actually going to be about Simon’s musical passion.

“I’m going into… flute performance and math specifically, at Oberlin College and Conservatory, and I’m mostly just excited to experience the music world outside of this little chunk that I’ve seen in Minnesota. So there’s so much stuff I can learn about it, and I’m really excited for that.”

When Simon is not studiously studying and wholly writing college essays like a goody-two shoes (boor-ing!), he also enjoys pursuing music recreationally. “I do private lessons, I do band at Edina, I do GTCYS (pronounced “gitsees”), Greater Twin Cities Youth Symphony, which is an orchestra outside of school.”

I asked Simon who his least favorite member of Zephyrus is, but he declined to comment for some reason. When asked instead who his favorite member of Zephyrus was, he thought for a little bit before saying “Everyone who sits at this table,” which includes Lex, Devarsh, Whitney, himself, and me! So I’m Simon’s favorite Zeph member. That’s just grand.