Tanner Sparrow , print copy editor
Tanner Sparrow hates Mondays, bugs with lots of gross little legs, bugs with only a few gross little legs, and decaffeinated coffee. When he’s not out on the football field, look for him in the weight room, or balled up in the fetal position in Coach Boltmann’s office drawing in his coloring book. Sometimes he takes long, extended walks on the shores of the Minnehaha creek, but he usually does not. Tanner used to be able to make origami hats, but has since forgotten how to do so. He is the Zephyrus Sports Editor, a title many say he did not earn, nor deserve, as he knows little about editing, and even less about sports. An avid Bing enthusiast, Tanner spends many hours perusing the black holes of the internet for funny pictures of cats. When asked what they thought about him, his peers described him as “an odd, odd being,” “one who really needs to get into mints or brush his teeth or something,” and “who?”. Tanner’s goals before he leaves high school are to further his mind, find inner peace, and talk to a girl without sweating and becoming nauseous.
