Edina Zephyrus

Noah Chestler

Noah Chestler, opinion editor

Noah Chestler isn’t your average joe, he’s a little bit better than mediocre, with an exceptional body. The claim is confirmed after taking a look at his impressive physique. “I like to go to the gym and get swole for my hunnies, I like to make their day,” said Chestler as he gave an upnod to a senior woman walking down the hallway. It is truly amazing that he has the body he does, as Chestler is a self proclaimed FIFA 14 addict. Although his swollen muscles don’t show, believe him, they are there. Chester loves being the weight room DJ, “Everyone loves a little bluegrass, especially when they need some pumping up,” he said. Aside from bluegrass Chestler is fond of smooth jazz. Obviously he isn’t into mainstream KDWB music, along with the rest of pop culture that he rejects. “It really grinds my gears how overpaid KDWB DJs are,” said Chestler. Don’t call him a hypocrite, he totally isn’t, but Chestler wholly credits the seemingly never ending successes of his life to Katy Perry. She instills a drive, and motivation in him that gets him up in the morning, and keeps him up all day long until he goes to bed; in which he doesn’t sleep. To sum it all up, when push comes to shove, Chestler isn’t in any way anything anyone would expect. His favorite food is a traditional dish from Laos.

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Noah Chestler