I recently missed several days of school thanks to a sexy illness. It was really fun for me because I sat in my home and felt like I was going to die for a week.  I loved it. Since I loved it so much I thought I would write you all a guide to being sick and explain all the outcomes that come along with it depending on how many days you missed.

If you miss one day: Mostly smooth sailin’ unless somehow you had five tests that day. Normally the extra rest and small dose of R&R does a body good. You should be okay.

If you miss two-three days: You should still be in the clear. Read: you can do it! I have faith in you. It’s still manageable and putting in a little extra work will have you caught up in no time.

If you miss four days: Congrats, because you had a very short school week.  But beware: you’re walking a fine line. Because you’ll probably be okay. It’ll be hard, it’ll be a test of character, but you will survive, and you will get through it.

If you miss five days: YOU MISSED A WHOLE WEEK OF SCHOOL. That sucks. (Or was it awesome?) Because realistically you missed at least two tests. What do you mean you weren’t studying the whole time you were blowing your nose with a 103 degree fever?! YOU ARE A SLACKER.

If you miss 6-9 days: The combination of makeup work and your illness will most likely prove fatal. Yeah, I said it. Trying to get caught up will, in all probability, kill you. That’ll be the end. Sympathetic teachers or not, it isn’t humanly possible. You will cave under the pressure, and die. Wow, that’s morbid.

If you miss 10+ days: Just give up now. Seriously. Throw in the towel and try for your GED because you’ll probably pass and you won’t have to deal with all the pain and suffering. You will be missed.

Sarah says inherit the immune system of a Viking warrior so you never have to get sick ever again.