Shut the front door about Sadies. Honestly.

“Sadie Hawkins dance, in my khaki pants…there’s nothing better baby do you like my sweater?” That’s what this dance should be like, but instead, suddenly it’s consuming the brains of everyone in the school (or so it seems.) There should be nothing stressful or dramatic about the least exciting dance of the year. Nothing. You don’t need to spend $300 on dinner (exaggeration), go out and buy a brand new costume, or rent a party bus. You just don’t.

I’m honestly so tired of hearing about it, along with the entire population of the world. Why did some people ask others to this dance the day after homecoming? Why are people rushing to pick themes more than a month before the dance? I struggle so much with these questions because I just don’t understand. As a rule, I hate planning, and this much of it, day in and day out is just too much. Also, I don’t do drama. I don’t deal with it, I don’t create it, and I don’t like it. If there’s drama, I’m out.

All dances, but especially this one, are designed to be fun. So stop making it not fun by trying to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Sadies is a friend dance, a.k.a. don’t expect magical things to happen because ideally, it’s just a bunch of pals hanging out.

How to have a successful night:

• Ask someone you actually know
• Car pool
• Pick the least expensive place you can think of for dinner that isn’t McDonald’s
• Have good food at the after party with at least two places people can spend their time so there’s a little variety
• Go with the flow
• MATT DULAS WUZ HURRRRR

Wow, you’re all set to go. See how simple and easy that was? Where’s my “that was easy” button? Because it should be pressed right now. Twice.

Sarah says everyone just calm down because you need to stop the madness.