Hey, so I wear glasses. I don’t know if you know, but once you get a pair of eyeglasses, your whole world gets flipped upside down and everyone everywhere says dumb things like this…

Glasses on

 “Can I try on your glasses?”

I hate it. I hate this. It’s my pet peeve. No, sorry. They’re mine. You can’t touch them. I don’t believe I’ve graduated kindergarten because I’m aware that technically me saying no isn’t sharing or caring. But guess what? I don’t care.

“Why don’t you wear contacts?” Because I don’t want to. Why don’t guys wear tights and high heels? They aren’t comfortable, that’s why.

“Why do you have so many pairs?” Why do you have so many pairs of pants? Why do you have so many pairs of shoes? I rest my case.

Glasses off

“How many fingers am I holding up?” One hundred. Is that right? You’re only seven centimeters away from my eyeballs, I really can’t see how many fingers you’re holding up. Thanks for the quick vision test, Doc.

“You look different.” Well no sh*t Sherlock. I wasn’t aware that I wouldn’t look the exact same without them on my face.

“Are  these real?” I should probably tell you that I’m a professional poser, and I have been since the fifth grade. I really like to buy fake things, and pretend like I’m cooler and smarter because I have these lenses on my face.

“Can you see?” Nope. Not at all. Who turned out the lights? Are you still there?

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Sarah says don’t be that guy…or girl.