Well, the seasons are once again going through their slow, beautiful change from that one where you have to stay inside to hide from blistering heat to the one where you have to stay inside to hide from blistering cold and also wolves.

But wait! Not everyone is hunkered down inside, waiting for the world to melt. Some of us are outside, exercising so that we can stay in shape and looking really attractive in the process. Here are, in this writer’s opinion, some of the sexiest sports you can do this winter season:

1. Hockey: This one doesn’t make immediate sense, since there isn’t anything very glamorous about bulky body armor and ice-related mishaps. But consider, for a moment, a nation in which hockey is more than a sport: it’s a way of life. I’m referring, of course, to the endless frozen wastelands of Canada. And what language, pray tell, do they speak there? French, the language of love. Therefore, by the transitive property, hockey is a sexy sport.

2. Sledding: Although sledding isn’t always considered a sexy sport, it can be with a few slight changes to your form. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of the hill as fast as you can, try to intentionally wipe out in the most horrific way possible halfway down. This may not be very sexy in and of itself, but perhaps an attractive person will come and try to offer you medical assistance. Bring a vial of fake blood along for even better results.

3. Dungeons and Dragons: Not every sexy sport has to be a “sport,” necessarily. And the participants in this particular one aren’t really “sexy” by the usual definition. But consider the fact that the people who spend their winter inside playing this overly-complicated dragon-based game are so nerdy that they will probably one day be multi-billionaires with rocket cars and pools and stuff. Sure makes them seem much more sexy, doesn’t it?