Nordic ski season is coming up, and with it comes the awkward moment when you’re stuck watching your younger brother slide along the ice, and are entirely unsure of what to say. Well, your worries are over with Edwin T. Zephyrus’ Definitive List of the Most Popular Things to Shout at Nordic Skiers!

1. Ski!

2. Continue skiing!

3. Looks like you have to use the bathroom!

4. Get a haircut!

5. WOOOOOO!

6. Freeze, James F. Redenbacher! This is the police, we have you surrounded! Stop this ludicrous attempt to disguise yourself as a middle-school age nordic skier, and put your hands up! Sir, if you do not stop skiing now we will take it as a sign of aggression and open fire! Sir, please I don’t want to have to do this!

7. Ski! Ski! Ski!

8. Ski faster, coward! Cold and hunger lay for those who lag behind! Ski fast, and escape your fate!

9. Ski! Ski! Ski! Ski! Doom! Ski! Ski! Ski! Ski! Ski!

10. Do you know that, after you yell ski a lot of times, the word starts to lose all meaning?

11. Slow it down, Eden Prairie, it’s not a race or anything.

12. Hey, Joe, mom’s making me cheer for you so it looks like I’m a supportive brother, so here’s me cheering!

13. Skiing won’t save you! Nothing will save you!

14. Run! The hockey team is coming, and they’re mad at you guys for stealing their spotlight as Edina’s premier winter sport! Run, fools, and hope to escape the pure horror that is inter-district sports-based warfare!

15. Help!

16. Put a shirt on!

17. Ski!