Is Jerry’s Foods a better learning environment than Edina High School?

Leo Hickey, staff writer

Disclaimer: The facts and interviews cited in this article are entirely fictitious. Any relation to real people is entirely coincidental.

What was once a place of shopping has now become a place of education for many Edina High School students. Jerry’s Foods, a popular grocery store, has become a hot study destination for many Edina students. Inside of the store, one can find an area laden with tables in which students of all grades do homework and study. The study area is also located next to a Starbucks, which certainly can’t hurt the area’s popularity.

Most students there find that the environment behind Jerry’s find the area is simply a better place to study than their own home. “I just like doing my homework, my studying here, I guess,” explained a student who wished to maintain anonymity. “I guess the smell of slightly overripe tomatoes and the creak of shopping carts just helps hone my mind. I can’t imagine studying anywhere else.”

One common question people have about the Jerry’s phenomenon is its origin—when did this study spot rise to popularity? It all started, some say, when one EHS student discovered a way to keep themselves focused while studying. Zephyrus tracked down this trendsetter, who, although they also requested anonymity, explained that “I discovered that I just worked better while eating fresh produce. I don’t know why, probably something to do with fiber. But nonetheless, it came to the point where I wouldn’t be able to study or do homework without a few mangos or cucumbers on hand.”

This, they explained, prompted a mass migration to Jerry’s. “Eventually, the only way to get enough fresh produce to keep me going throughout my entire study session was to just move to the grocery store while I worked,” they explained. Eventually more people followed, and eventually, the entire area was populated with busy students.

This trend, the manager of Jerry’s explains, has been highly profitable. “It’s great! We’ve never gotten this much business…We’re in the process of creating specially targeted ads that will entice the students to buy our least-selling foods,” she explained. “We hope that this passion for Jerry’s foods will turn over into immense profit for the store.”

In fact, rumors are inbound that Jerry’s has bigger plans surrounding the EHS students than they care to admit. Some people even talk of a grand conspiracy to move some classes to Jerry’s, eventually taking over as the primary building for Edina 9th-12th graders.

“We have no comment on these accusations at this time,” said a Jerry’s employee before walking away briskly.