Humor: pineapple on pizza exposes a flawed society

Alex Stenman, head staff writer

Since the dawn of humanity, mistakes have been a central part of social development. Through our mistakes, we learn and strengthen valuable skills: the ability to be humble, the ability to empathize with one another, and the ability to forgive the wrongdoings of others. In the troubling debates of the present, it’s important to stay grounded and recognize that mistakes and wrongdoings of others are learning opportunities for us all and things we as a society can move beyond. There is only one exception.

The world has been in a deadlock in regards to the debate over whether pineapple belongs on pizza for decades. Hundreds of thousands of people have given their opinions on the matter. I’m here to tell you that none of those opinions matter; pineapple does not and will never belong on a slice of pizza. 

In theory, yes, the sweet taste of the pineapple would serve as a pleasant contrast. In reality, however, it achieves the opposite effect. The space taken up by putting pineapple on your pizza could have been taken up by the toppings that give pizza its iconic flavor; as you add pineapple and take away the opportunity to appreciate the sauce, cheese, and meat. ou move further and further away from the accepted definition of pizza and what we come to expect from the dish. Savory pepperoni is replaced with fruit with the idea of creating something new, which moves the focus away from what’s lost in the process. Sacrificing classical taste for a sweet addition has the potential to spiral out of control–maybe we’ll see gummy worms or whipped cream on pizza in the coming years as well.

In short, pineapple is a tyrant, taking over the flavor of the dish until it doesn’t even feel like you’re eating pizza anymore. While it seemed like a funny fad at first when it was conceptualized in the 1960s, Hawaiian-style pizza has far outlived its welcome. As with most trends, the general population has grown tired of it, and it’s time to dump out our plates and let this mania die.