How to Beat the Post-AP Test Slump

Cecilia Orth, staff writer

As of May 12, after two weeks of AP testing, students often think that the grind is officially over. However, students are far from accurate. AP teachers differ, but even after exams, many often favor difficult busywork. “I prefer for my students to continue to pull all-nighters. That way they’re quiet and sleepy in my class. It makes my life easier,” said AP Economics teacher Mrs. Emma Tomlinson.

Despite their students having already taken the AP test, and having theoretically learned everything, teachers continue to require work. In AP Calculus, for example, the work never stops. “Math is like pi, it nevers ends,” said AP Calculus AB teacher Mr. Dan Pace.

Many AP students attempt to reason with their teachers, to no avail. Most teachers refuse to back down. “No comment,” said AP Art History teacher Mrs. Linda Burb. Some teachers remain kowtow to the college board. “I just do whatever the college board wants me to do without any question,” said AP English Literature and Composition teacher Mr. Thomas Lobster.

Then of course, there are teachers who simply enjoy watching their students suffer. “I don’t know. I just think it’s funny to see the reactions on the student’s faces when they realize there’s more to learn. It cracks me up,” said AP Environmental Science teacher Mr. Leopard Baton.

Some wonder, “What’s the point? Why keep working after the AP test?” The answer; it’s all about the grades. Let’s be honest, most students’ unweighted GPAs ain’t too pretty. Moreover, the type of kids who take AP classes are overachievers and want the highest possible grade. Last minute units give hope that a C+ could become an A.

Unfortunately for some, last-minute units and annoyingly intricate busywork isn’t enough to achieve a 40% grade jump. In this case, the obvious answer is bribery. You can graciously donate all those leftover Barron’s and Princeton Review books you opened the night before the AP test to the classroom. Another option is to “accidentally” memorize your AP teacher’s Starbucks order. Due to all the busy work-necessitated all-nighters, you know that midnight Starbucks emergency runs are imminent. Before you know it, you’ll be smiling like an idiot and handing a vanilla latté to your AP French teacher.

If both hard work and bribery is a fail, just know your peers probably failed alongside you. Cue the High School Musical theme, “We’re all in this together.”