Edina Zephyrus

Five Things to be ‘Thankful’ for this Holiday Season

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Five Things to be ‘Thankful’ for this Holiday Season

courtesy of google

courtesy of google

courtesy of google

Christina Orth, public relations editor

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There are a lot of things to be thankful for this year. In the United States alone, we have accomplished so much in 2016: clown cult attacks were deemed unlawful, the Harambe meme died, and Steve Harvey’s mistake by announcing the wrong Miss America foreshadowed the results of the 2016 U.S. presidential election (everything feels awkward). So, it was hard narrow down my list of things we can be thankful for this holiday season.

First and foremost, we can be thankful for a tropical holiday season. Here in Minnesota, we can expect unusually high temperatures thanks to climate change, so we can do our holiday shopping in our shorts and tank tops. After all, it’s 40 degrees Fahrenheit out! This tropical climate means we don’t even have to chop down Frasier firs to celebrate. Instead, we can bring our eggnog and holiday celebrations to the tree in our very own backyard.

The freshman integration into Edina High School next year means that this year will be the final year of sophomority authority. Many are familiar with the phenomenon of seniority authority, and sophomority authority is the same idea. Sophomores walk on the wrong side of the hallway, clog the DECAfé line in the commons, and complain about their passion project on the regular. We can be thankful that that their authority is coming to end.

One of the good things that has come out of this election is that vegan rhetoric has been replaced by political rhetoric. Instead of hearing about the great lifestyle of veganism as vegans and their admirers sit in Snuffy’s with a salad in front of them, many vegans have been busy talking about Trump’s environmental plans and its interference with their vegetable growing. Obviously, ‘murica’s vegetable-loving sweethearts have more important things to talk about now.

Additionally, we can be thankful for fact-checkers. They can expect to remain employed for the next four years considering the blend of opinions and subjective facts this year. “Fidel Castro is dead!” is news courtesy of Donald Trump. How can we be sure that our new news source is accurate? Where is this information coming from? Can we expect more accurate information? Good thing we have fact-checkers at the ready to triple check anything anyone says ever.

Finally, we can be thankful for Zephyrus haters who put our newspapers in the recycling bin rather than the trash can. Even if they are throwing three weeks of our hard work away, at least they’re doing so in an environmentally-conscious manner, thus allowing the rejected papers to begin the life-cycle of an underappreciated student publication all over again!

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About the Contributors
Christina Orth, public relations editor

Christina Orth not only uses journalism as a creative outlet, but as a way to put her considerable charm to good use. Standing at an impressive 4’11,...

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Five Things to be ‘Thankful’ for this Holiday Season