Edina Zephyrus

EHS Cryptids Club

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EHS Cryptids Club

art by Anjali Aralikar

art by Anjali Aralikar

art by Anjali Aralikar

Anjali Aralikar, staff writer

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For those who don’t know yet, Edina High School has a brand new club. The Cryptids Club is finally going official after spending the last year and a half in the dungeon bathrooms. “I thought we would never be approved,” said junior Scully Mulder, club founder. “It felt like we had achieved something big, like finding Bigfoot.” The club now meets after school once a week (in accordance to the lunar cycle) in a classroom, though they still keep to the lower floor.

Regular club activities involve watching History Channel documentaries and discussing the strengths of various cryptids, animals which exist but aren’t scientifically proven to exist at the same time. “Honestly, I think Mothman could probably beat any of the other cryptids in a fight. I mean, have you seen his abs?” said sophomore Nessa Locke. Another important club activity is the monthly Hunt of the Cryptids. It’s the culminating event of each month, or to quote the club description on the EHS Activities Page, “Each day leads to the Hunt. We live for the Hunt. We crave the Hunt.” The first part is certainly true. Before every Hunt, loads upon loads of research must be conducted to determine where and when exactly to find local cryptids at EHS.

The club met near the language hallways, where the hunt commenced with a mock blood-letting ritual. “We stain our hands with this red food coloring to symbolize our devotion to the Hunt, our bond and brotherhood, and red to attract the cryptids, of course,” said senior Tara Filiko, who was handing out the mandatory black cloaks used for the Hunt. Another club member, sophomore Grey Laith, rubs black gel under his eyelids. “It’s to better blend in with your surroundings,” he said, offering the container to other members.

Their first stop was a dusty janitorial hallway. It was dark, but the other club members didn’t seem to mind. “I thrive off of darkness,” said Locke. “We’re going to be looking for the Edina Hellhound, a creature of darkness which has an aura of failing grades and confusion,” said Mulder. “It’s no coincidence I’ve been failing AP Stats. The Hellhound’s got to be here.” The search for the Hellhound lasted approximately 30 minutes, and after a brief spell of note taking, the club headed to their next location.

The next location was held in a variety of places around the school. The club was investigating a snake which was allegedly living in the heating vents. This meant that they went to every accessible heating vent and hit the vent twice with a used plastic spoon from the cafeteria. “We’ve concluded that we’re not sure where exactly the snake is,” said Mulder. “We don’t know how long it is either. One thing we do know for sure, though, is that the snake is the reason some hallways are hot while others are freezing.” The club was satisfied with the conclusion and headed back to the dungeons to pack up.

There are many other cryptids lurking around EHS. “We were really excited to search for the famous Minnesota Iceman,” said Filiko. “But unfortunately due to lack of snow, well, the Iceman’s probably fled North by now. But, I suspect there are a few water sprites that live in the old drinking fountains and I would really like the chance to check that out.” Water sprites are miniscule frogs that inhabit public water sources which bestow the water with special luck qualities, both good and bad. “It’s really important to understand that there are a lot of really cool cryptids in this world, you just need to see the good in them. Not all cryptids want to eat you!” continued Filiko.

All in all, if cryptid hunting seems like a cool thing to spend two to three hours on with like minded people, joining the Cryptid Club would be infinitely recommended. To join, make sure you check a bathroom on the lower floor for any new graffiti, it will be an ancient symbol detailing the exact time and place of the meeting. “Don’t be afraid to face the unknown, dare to believe!” said Mulder.

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About the Contributors
Anjali Aralikar, student life beat lead

Due to its past edginess, disregard everything that was in Sophomore Anjali’s bio. She is a functioning human being and Totally Not an Internet Bot!™....

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EHS Cryptids Club