LinkedIn is the “What?” of social media. What is “LinkedIn”? Apparently, there’s some sort of cult that keeps telling people to “stay connected” on this “LinkedIn” that you’re supposed to know about. What you actually need to know is that you should delete your LinkedIn account now because it might be stealing your data, and more importantly, you’re unemployable in the first place.
For some unironic context, LinkedIn has been described to me as some sort of strange hybrid between Twitter and Indeed. LinkedIn accounts advertise you to recruiters, and the posts are your resume; you post all the things that would make you appear to be a good wage slave in the hopes that someone reaches out to you. Or, that your LinkedIn account is the first thing that comes up when they search your name instead of your yumeshipping non-sharing Dr. Doofenshmirtz x OP Tumblr account.
Like AI slop and SanFran tech bro nonsense, I believe that LinkedIn, if you should even use it at all, should NOT be doomscrolled because of exposure to this harmful content, and I’ve never used LinkedIn to get a job, so who’s to say it works?
Anyway, LinkedIn is bad beyond technological error. At the beginning of April this year, LinkedIn was sued by German-based “Association of Commercial LinkedIn Users” called Fairlinked e.V., which alleges that LinkedIn is scanning your browser for extensions, is using those extensions to identify identities, and falsified a third-party application compliance report to the European Union, where they failed to mention their strongest API. They also set cookies with HUMAN Security, an American-Israeli firm. Still, you can read their claims here.
Are they true? Only Clarence Thomas knows. But even if they aren’t, you should still delete LinkedIn now because youth like you are facing an unemployment rate over 8% and those who are employed are underemployed as part-time workers who are about to be laid off, so the chances of you getting a job are nonexistent, and you should get a medical degree and travel around South America.
This piece was originally published in Zephyrus’ print edition on May 19, 2026
