Let’s get this out of the way quickly: apathy is cool. Everyone from the hipster to the Fonzie has implemented the technique of not caring and they are nothing but calm, cool, and collected. After all, which would you say is cooler: sobbing uncontrollably, or shedding a single tear? No, no, don’t wipe that tear. That tear, along with the close up and Radio Head’s “Exit Music (For a Film)”, briefly offers the world a glimpse through your gritty outer shell and into the soft soul that lies within.

Apathy is fine when you are walking away from an explosion, (see “Iron Man”, “The Dark Knight”, “Robo Cop”, “No Country for Old Men”, “Power Rangers”, and literally hundreds of other movies), but in the classroom, it’s obnoxious. We all know and have experienced at least one apathetic student in class. They generally make disruptions, make fun of the material, or battle with the teacher about why they should be motivated. Not only is this flat-out annoying, it’s not even truly apathetic. A truly apathetic student wouldn’t bother us because all they would do is walk in to class, become completely quiet, and utter “whatever” when addressed.

Apathy is generally seen in required classes like math and language arts, whereas electives tend to generate less apathy. There isn’t really much of a fix for this. A teacher can be great and engaging, but if a student isn’t interested in a topic, you can’t force him to be. In the end, the student just has to suck it up. The requirements are set by the state and the district and there really are reasons to take these classes, they all teach you skills that you will inevitably need in college. Well, most of them anyway (I’m looking at you, phy-ed.)

If you have one of these students in your class my advice to you is to be apathetic about their apathy. That’s right, apathy within apathy. If you do this correctly the student should stop caring about not caring and you should be able to get on with your business. But, be careful with this method, if this goes wrong all of EHS could turn into an apathetic wasteland, with zombie like students walking around sighing and muttering “I don’t care.”