If you have never heard the Hail Mary paired with the pop of a Diet Coke can and “Breakin’ Dishes” by Rihanna, then you must not know Valerie Schmitt, the Zephyrus managing editor for the 2025–26 school year.
Other than being a baseball cap connoisseur, Valerie participated in Girl Scouts, Speech and Debate, Orchestra, Green Crew, piano, and, allegedly, French Club. Still, she always made time for her friends, family, and most importantly, her dog Sadie.
But Zephyrus was always a priority, and throughout the past four years, Valerie has made meaningful memories.
“In freshman year, during the finals block, Karissa, Lynn-Clara, and I went outside and abandoned the rest of the class. We walked fully around the building, and there was a random ice cream truck, and we got to eat popsicles and walk around,” Valerie said.
Valerie attributes her luck with encountering ice cream trucks, good people, and fun times to her various superstitions, which occur on a daily basis.
“I’m always knocking on wood,” Valerie said. Yet, this task is more complex than meets the eye.
“I think that if I knock on something and believe that it’s wood, then it counts. If I knock on a plastic table and someone says, ‘Oh, that’s plastic,’ well, it counted before, and now it doesn’t count, and I have to run to the nearest wood,” Valerie said.
Beyond her crazy superstitions, Valerie is also known for being a nepo baby.
“I’m a nepo baby in a lot of things, but I think my primary nepotism area is gossip. I like knowing everything and gossiping because my parents are amazing gossips,” Valerie said.
But never underestimate her abilities just because of her family.
“I do a lot of work, and sometimes certain individuals assume that the only reason why I am successful is because of [my family], and that is truly not the case,” she said.
Famously, Valerie is known to enjoy a college campus. She currently plans to attend the University of Michigan for psychology in the fall, a decision that was heavily contemplated on her part.
“I would say on a college campus, the most important thing to do is check if they are a Coke or Pepsi school,” she said.
Sadly for Zeph’s favorite Diet Coke addict, Michigan is a Pepsi school.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I might have to become a coffee person. I don’t want to become a coffee person,” she said.
And while we at Zephyrus are excited to see the person Valerie will become, her kindness and vibrant personality will forever haunt the narrative of the pubs room.
“I would like to be remembered as somebody who tried to make the publication better and as the most prolific Diet Coke drinker. I don’t think anyone else can come for my title,” Valerie said.
This piece was originally published in Zephyrus’ print edition on May 19, 2026
