We all have a special place in our hearts for that certain someone. Maybe you like their clothes, or their teeth, or their money. Regardless, relationships should always start with tricking someone into liking you. They don’t know what’s best for themselves, so you have to show them what they’re missing by seducing them. So, for all you star-crossed lovers out there, I’ve got some tips to help you seduce your crush.

Sing: Who doesn’t like a nice song? If your crush sees you walking down the hallway belting out “Amazing Grace” or hearkening back to pre-school days with the classic “Down by the Bay,” they’re bound to know you’re the big dog on campus.

Get Athletic: You might not like it, but a lot of relationships are based on physical attraction. Therefore, one of the best tactics for getting that special someone is to show them your athleticism. It might be fake athleticism, but if you can trick them into thinking you’re athletic, you can trick them into doing anything. I’d say the best way to really get the point across is to run as fast as you can whenever they’re around. Whenever you see them, just start running.

Show them you’re rich: There’s nothing the modern capitalist wants more than an affluent partner. One of the best ways to trick someone into loving you is showing them how much they can benefit financially from it. Start wearing a suit and pretend to talk on the phone in the hallways. Say things like, “No! How many times do I have to tell you? The Swiss bank account, you fool!” or, “Sell! Sell! Sell!” They’ll be running after you in no time.

Get intelligent: Now that your crush knows you’re a musical, athletic, chunk of meat ready to be pounced on, you’ve got to show him/her you’re just as good on the inside as the outside. Remember: the one sure sign of intelligence is memorization. Every time you see your crush, say to whoever you’re with, (or to yourself!) “Yeah, I pretty much know every single digit of pi.” Then start naming them off. Don’t worry, you don’t have to actually know them, your crush just has to think you do.

Know all about culture: There’s nothing people hate more than an uncultured swine. Make sure to quote movies and books and talk about famous art all the time, but don’t make it seem too forced. Get your crush’s number, but remember not to ask them directly. That’s super creepy! Just go behind their back. Start the conversation off by interrogating them about the Mona Lisa. I know I would fall immediately in love with anyone who did that to me!