On Tuesday, Edina High School Principal Dr. Bruce Locklear made the decision to cancel all finals for all grade levels, so that the staff may play the students in a three-day, three-game series of softball.

“The decision has been a long time coming,” said Locklear. “I first pitched it at a staff meeting in December, but the decision was largely dependent on how Arlou McPherson recovered from her Tommy John’s surgery last May.”

With their ace pitcher again able to hurl her signature 90 mph fastball, the staff figured they’d be in the best position to win, so the plans were finalized.

“The students have a really good team this year, so we wanted to make sure we fielded a strong team. We can’t have another 2007,” said Locklear. The staff vs. student softball game has been played eight times since 2000, but this will be the first year it is extended to a three game series. Whether or not the game has been played has been largely dependent on whether or not the staff feels that they can win. The current record is tied at 10-10 all time, but since the games were restarted after a long break in the 2000s, the students have been largely dominant, winning six out of the eight games. The most embarrassing loss for the staff came in 2007, when they were 10-runned in the third inning. The staff bounced back in ‘09 though, with former Assistant principal Eric Nelson hammering 2 home runs and a game winning RBI single.

“We’re definitely going to miss Eric’s bat out there, but we’ve got enough good hitters on the squad to hopefully fill in his shoes. Mr. Pretasky has been going to the batting cages almost every collaborative time, and has made big strides in his swing,” said Locklear.

Former Gopher baseball player, and current athletic director Troy Stein is expected to boost the teachers lineup this year as well, with the game being played for the first time since his hiring.

“All I’ll say about his hiring is that we were between a few candidates, and he had by far the most experience on the diamond,” said Locklear.

The students team this year is expected to be a good one too however. Senior Sydney Monsour is attending Augustana on a softball scholarship, largely due to her performance in the staff vs. student classic when she was a sophomore. Senior Ben Monchamp isn’t really a standout on the varsity baseball team, but really showed promise on his little sister’s T-ball team this spring, which Coach John Burley is really hoping he can translate his T-ball prowess to a good batting average in the softball series. “Sure, he’s not the most polished athlete we have, but the kid loves the game and is always good for a clutch at bat,” said Burley.

Senior Tom Koop was expected to be a star this year on the mound, but he was disqualified after the staff found out he is actually twenty-eight. “I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling lunch ladies,” said Koop.

Sophomore Brock Boltmann is ready to face his dad, Coach Reed Boltmann in the series this year for the first time. “I’ve been eating those chewable Flintstone vitamins and they’ve made me big and strong like my dad!” said Brock, before returning his attention to the TV, where he then proceeded to laugh so hard at “The Backyardigans” that the milk from his fruity pebbles cereal squirted out of his nose.

More game changers for the students include seniors Johnny Libbey, Matt Crain, Charlie Black and Ms. Hockey winner Taylor Williamson.

“I’m worried about Arlou pitching for my head because she threatened to do that after I tried to use an old parking pass twice,” said Black.

The staff this year will be co-coached by teacher of the year candidate Meggie Trenda, who will also serve as the leadoff hitter, and baseball guru Brian Simpson.

“Estoy esperando un buen partido este año!” said Trenda.

At present time it is reported that 7 out of the 15 rostered staff members have tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, and will be suspended from the series.