Edina Zephyrus

Backwards Day

photo by Ben Gustafson

photo by Ben Gustafson

Ben Gustafson, staff writer

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Yes, the day everybody has been waiting for. January 31st, National Backwards Day. The day that routines turn on you like a deranged raccoon. Nothing gets accomplished, an Edina High School student’s paradise. Just when you think you have everything figured out, the mysterious backwards force will snatch your peace of mind like a drunk, uninvited relative. In preparation for this holiday, Zephyrus would like to relive the greatest Backwards Days in the history of EHS.

On Backwards Day 1949, the year EHS was founded, the most fundamental aspect of teaching was reversed. For one day, students could escape the drudging lectures that had been mercilessly concocted by their so-called teachers. Students suddenly had the power to force their teachers to take notes on what they were saying. Just as Elsa McEvil, a former math teacher, walked into class on January 31st, 1949 excited to squeeze her students’ brains of every last bit of joy, she encountered an absurd feeling. She was actually interested in what her students had to say. “I quickly grabbed my notebook and began to jot down details of every one of their conversations. I couldn’t believe how Brad had dumped Emily last night, over the phone! And the fact that Carl got cut from the juggling team made me want to curl up next to my calculators and cry!” said McEvil. McEvil was sadly diagnosed with severe hand cramps and her right hand needed to be amputated the following day.

Backwards Day in 1979 was the year of the Sony WalkMan. Listening to music in headphones, a common pastime at EHS, became the boisterous charade that entailed students trying to sing into their cassettes. “We students just felt that our WalkMans wanted to listen to us for once,” said Harry Hornet, EHS Class of ‘79. The hallways were filled with beautiful melodies resembling multiple beavers giving birth at the same time. There were multiple accounts of WalkMans self destructing on site.

During the 1998 Backwards Day, the year that Google was created, the students in the computer lab were reportedly questioned by the Google homepages. Unfortunately, the high school students did not have the answers that Google was looking for. “Yeah, the computers started asking us super weird questions, and I was like I’m just trying to look up pictures of that Monica Lewinsky chick. But the computer just wouldn’t let up. It was like ‘is the world going to end in the year 2000?’ and I was like ‘duh, it’s common sense.’ Then it asked, “Are you feeling lucky?” I replied, “I guess. I mean I found part of a Twinkie in my pocket earlier.”

Let’s be honest, the moral of National Backwards Day is everybody hates the system and the system hates us.

 

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About the Writer
Ben Gustafson, print editor-in-chief

Ben “BennyGeezy” Gustafson came into this world on Thanksgiving of 1999 (unfortunately the hospital food wasn’t exactly the Thanksgiving dinner that...

1 Comment

One Response to “Backwards Day”

  1. Kirk Spencer on February 24th, 2016 3:20 pm

    killer newspaper!!

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Backwards Day