Thank you, Bloomington North Life Time Fitness (5250 West 84th Street Bloomington, MN 55437) for always being there for me, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week – I know there is always a treadmill waiting for me.

You are the closest Life Time to Edina, but I feel lonely, while other residents unexpectedly venture outside the bubble to the luxurious comfort of your St. Louis Park location.

Sometimes I invite a friend, they ask if we can play basketball, I say no. Not just because I would rather not put my lack of skills on public display, but because you, oh Bloomington North Life Time, have no court.

Your other amenities are plentiful – a full weight room, gigantic hot tub, and racquet ball courts just to name a few.

No teenager likes a locker room, for reasons that go without saying, but yours goes beyond traditional back room phobias. You have no shower stalls, just one big communal shower. Given the choice, I’ll stink up my car and shower at home thank you very much.

You are on the bottom of the food chain of Life Time memberships, with the cheapest monthly rate. Oh Life Time, it would be a lie if I said you get what you pay for. Your staff is top notch, you’re always clean, and you get the job done. What more could an overweight teen looking to get in shape ask for?

You might not have all the flashy amenities of your Life Time brethren, but I will never leave your Blender Bottle covered work out floor. Yes, Bloomington North Life Time, I believe we shall spend the rest of our days together riding on the wings of an elliptical.