What if you did judge a book by its cover?

Micah Osler, staff writer

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” If there’s a bigger cliché, I haven’t heard it. Despite how often we say this, though, we rarely follow it. A book with a poorly-drawn picture of an army of Nazi zombies fighting werewolves on the cover probably isn’t a historical romance.

In that vein, I decided to break the rules and judge books by their covers – in other words, I took a few books that, despite their popularity, I’d never read, and tried to decide what they were about just based on their covers. Here they are:

“The Hunger Games”: The zany adventures of Merle, a robin who is sparkly and golden due to an unfortunate paint accident. While the excess weight of the paint makes it rather hard for him to fly, he fights off predators and woefully unprepared hunters by spitting arrows at them. He also really likes circles.

“Twilight”: It’s 1937 inKansas. The Dust Bowl is at its height. The region’s farmers are struggling to make ends meet. Families need every bit of food they can get their hands on, with some starving to death. One very pale girl, though, has made it her mission to help these farmers out and is daring to do what no one else will dare to do: Give people apples! At night!

“The Catcher in the Rye”: The moving story of a boy and his horse, which appears to be on fire for no particular reason.

“The Da Vinci Code”: Hundreds of thousands of people go to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa every day – it is, after all, the world’s most famous painting. However, in his most recent striking exposé, Dan Brown reveals a truth that’s been hidden from the world for the past 500 years: We’re not watching the Mona Lisa. The Mona Lisa is watching… us.

“Bossypants”: It’s Tina Fey! And she’s wearing a hat! How did she get that hat? What kind of hat is it? Why is she wearing a hat? Will this hat impact midterm elections? How does Sarah Palin feel about the hat? Inside this nonfiction work, one can find the answers to all your most pressing hat-related questions! Also, probably something about pants.

“The Great Gatsby”: For years now, patrons at this Six Flags have reported seeing…odd things going on at the park: an unexpected chill in the middle of the Texas summer; a disembodied tap on the shoulder in the middle of a ride; a general feeling that there’s something strange going on. Little do they suspect that at night, as they complacently ride the attractions, an enormous, ghostly face lights up above them – one that eerily resembles the face of that janitor who mysteriously disappeared a few months ago…