Ah yes, the season of the debutante is approaching and what better way to celebrate than to become one yourself? But one might ask, how does an individual native to the cold northern states seek the formality of the southern debutante life? Never fear, Zephyrus is here. We’ve got you covered on how to be the perfect Southern debutante.

We will start out with the first order of business: the accent. Now when practicing the accent of a true southern belle, stay away from the language of the texan with their hard ‘r’ and extra large hamburgers, and instead approach the language with a soft ‘r’. Keep the voice soft and light, like whipped cream. Try watching films like “The Help” or “Gone With The Wind.” These are some classics that get that accent down to a science.

Next get yourself a dress. Now it’s common knowledge that a true southern debutante wears white to the ball, and here in the north it’s cold. So white will go perfectly with fresh June snowfall. When transforming yourself into the perfect debutante be sure to get a big ruffled ball gown, those layers and layers of lace will definitely keep you warm and as an added bonus: you can hide snacks in those ruffles for when you get peckish. Your escort will look over with envy and you’ll look back with pride as you sneak peanuts out of your cleavage.

The third thing you’ll need is dance classes. We all know that up until this point your dance moves have resembled that of a baby giraffe skating on ice. It’s time for a change. There are no giraffes at the ball and we do not have time to steal the leftover ice on the lakes and turn them into an ice skating rink instead of a dance floor. You need to learn how to ballroom dance. Consider taking ballroom dance classes with the rest of the debutantes and their escorts. This will give you the perfect opportunity to scope out the competition. You’ll know exactly who you’ve already surpassed with looks and who you still have to beat. (It’ll give you a good estimate for how much to spend on beauty consultations on the days leading up to the big day). Which brings us to the next point: beauty consultations.   

Be prepared for the poking and prodding of your body but no need to go overboard, just get the usual. A seaweed and mud facial, a massage, a full body oil rub and exfoliation, a bikini wax, a leg wax, armpit wax, upper lip wax, a pedicure, a blood transfusion, a manicure, a brain transplant, botox, lip injections, a boob job, a tummy tuck, get your carpet shampooed, then get your hair done, get your makeup done and drink a quick gin and tonic to calm those nerves. If your routine resembles that of Katniss Everdeen before the opening ceremonies of the Hunger Games, then you’re doing it right.

Hopefully these tips have helped in your endeavor to be perfect on your big day. Who ever said you have to be from the South to be a southern debutante?