So you’re thinking of moving to Minnesota. Great! But if you’re still on the fence about the possibility of joining us in our eternal sauna/ice box of a state, consider these reasons to move to beautiful Minnesota!

1. We’re excellent drivers. Prepare to see someone drive as fast as they can before slamming on the brakes at a stop sign on a fairly regular basis. No one knows why this happens, we just quietly accept it and move on.
2. The roads. When they’re open, they’re driveable. When they’re closed, your life will become a Kafkaesque nightmare and you will be unable to be go anywhere. But don’t worry, we’re all unable to leave and we’re stuck in this together.
3. We’re very friendly to cyclists. No driver has ever tried to run me off the road or sworn at me out the window. Several times I’ve had helpful drivers remind me that I’m “not a car” and let me know that I need to “get off the road, you moron”.
4. The weather is fantastic. Winters generally settle around a cozy 0* Fahrenheit before windchill, and summers are muggy and easily hit 95*F. It’s so humid you can almost swim to your destination instead of walking! Unlike many areas, we actually have four distinct seasons. Hot and muggy summer, cold and dry autumn, freezing and windy winter, and a wet and sporadic spring.
5. We’ll be very gentle with your feelings. Instead of telling you point-blank what our problem with you is, we’ll passive-aggressively work around the issue while silently resenting you.
6. There are plenty of fun activities no matter what the season. We have one recreational boat per every six people, so if you don’t own one, it’s more than likely that someone you know will or you could rent one. On the water, everyone’s well-versed in the laws and regulations. People never cut dangerously close to others, attempt to buzz the shore, or get drunk while boating. We also have plenty of ski slopes and trails in the wintertime where people are courteous and definitely won’t laugh if you fall.
7. Plan on keeping in touch with your hometown friends. Minnesota Nice means that we won’t be openly hostile towards you, but you aren’t going to be invited over for dinner any time soon.
8. Wherever you go and whoever you meet, there will always be conversation. The topic will be the weather. It’s either too hot, too cold, too dry, or too rainy, and everyone has something to say about it. You’ll quickly become will versed to inane comebacks to inevitable comments generally built around “Is it ____ enough for you?”.

There you have it, nine reasons to move to Minnesota, the land of Minnesota Nice, safe drivers and of course our legendary weather. If you’ve read this far you obviously didn’t get the hint. As a true Minnesotan I won’t be spelling it out for you, but you should probably reconsider your moving plans. Unless, that is, your child plays hockey.