Recently, Zephyrus has been censored yet again for publishing overly edgy content. Zephyrus staff has recently discovered that their recent publishing of a picture of a dodecahedron. For the unaware, a dodecahedron is a 30-edged solid shape with 12 faces. Similarly banned are many-sided polygons and the triangle. When asked why, administration explained that they’re “simply much too edgy”.

On review by the Edina High School administration, they determined that any 3-D shape with more than three faces is too edgy to have in school. Additionally, conjoined twins or animals that are conjoined must have three faces or less in order to be printed, otherwise they too are overly edgy.

The administration recently put a restriction on all shapes, with the exception of the sphere, as it is completely smooth and has absolutely no edges. Additionally, spheres are well-known and have a good legacy, and roll well across smooth surfaces.

Students and staff at EHS are up in arms about these actions against shape-imagery. For one thing, it has made the math department’s job of teaching anything involving geometry significantly harder. “I really wish we could still draw shapes with more than three faces. It really throws a wrench in my lesson plans,” said a math teacher who wished to remain anonymous. Students are longing for the days before shapes were censored. “30 isn’t even that many edges,” said one anonymous student wielding a giant cardboard octagon. “It’s not even the same kind of edges. It’s not even provocative!” said the student. “I got kicked out of math class for drawing a cube,” said junior Suzy Square. On further investigation, the cube was not a class-sanctioned cube and was drawn on a phone slip.

The student body has been acting out increasingly since shapes and edges have been cracked down on. Students have been wearing clothing decorated with many-edged patterns and carrying cut-outs of their favorite banned shapes. A few students have taken to vandalizing the math hallway with murals of banned shapes decorated to look like the leaders of the Russian Revolution. “Things are really getting out of hand now,” said the anonymous student with the octagon. Demonstrations have been increasing in frequency and strength leading up to major standardized tests like final ACTs of the year, as students are especially eager to have access to uncensored geometric education. The math department has taken to staging underground review sessions, in order to escape the censorship of the administration. A secret society called the “Sons and Daughters of Shapes” has been rumoured, rallying the student body around liberation of censored shapes. Zephyrus is unable to verify the existence or activities of the secret review sessions or any secret societies, as they’re a secret.

Despite recent tensions, life for the most part continues as usual at EHS. While it remains unclear as to if the actual geometric edges of the shapes or a misunderstanding as to which meaning of “edgy” applies, dodecahedrons and similar many-edged shapes remain under heavy scrutiny by administration.