How to Drive Seductively
January 10, 2014
1. Make sure your AC is full blast so your hair looks windblown because driving with the windows down simply isn’t sexy.
2. Beep your horn at hotties.
3. Stop at stop signs, open your car door, and stick out your leg like movie stars getting out of cars then yell “Psych!” and keep driving.
4. Always have a substantial meal in your car. Maybe a sandwich and an orange?
5. If you don’t have time to pack food at your home, get take out. Wow, you have a pizza in your car? A burrito? Pasta? Hot.
6. You choose: you can either play weird, repetitive, techno music like you’d hear at da club OR you can blast Sinatra and Tony Bennett so people see you, acknowledge your presence on the road, and give you a ten.
7. Wink at all drivers you make eye contact with.
8. Magically get ahold of your car so it can do the “bend and snap” at stop lights.
9. If you’re on a moped or motorcycle, wear lots of leather.
10. If you’re a woman on one of those vehicles mentioned in #9, dress like a dude, so you can do that “shake my hair while I take off my helmet” reveal moment. That’s gold. You can also yell “Psych!” at this time.
11. Keep your eyes on the road.
12. Nothing is hotter than concentration and good driving.
13. Don’t text: I’ve seen you when you do and the face you make is ridiculous, so don’t ever do that.
14. Brake often. Especially on the freeway. You can send Morse code messages to drivers around you, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll meet someone who gets you on an intellectual level who loves the lost art of Morse code as much as you. <3
Sarah says yes, do all of this and you’ll be Fergalicious.