EHS parking lot proves to be a stellar extracurricular opportunity

Welcome to Edina High School, the “Home of the Hornets,” with 187 state championships under its belt. There is no doubt that students at EHS excel in extracurricular activities, as students and administration alike take pride in our success. Among the most popular activities is one in which over half the student body participates: the ruthless battleground featuring the EHS parking lot. 

Just like any other activity, students find great success and disappointment as they race twice a day, everyday, to see whose white BMW can beat another’s Range Rover into and out of the lot. For many students, causing concussions in sports, crushing the intellectual validation of others in educational extracurriculars, and ruthlessly sabotaging each other for leadership positions simply aren’t enough to boost their morale. Thus, the battlefield serves as a necessary outlet for student violence, both before and after a long and stressful school day. In fact, students pay $300 per year for a chance to take part in this exclusive experience. 

Many students participate in teams of two to three, but a few, like me, prefer to compete alone. Let me run you through a typical day of competition. My day starts with a hearty breakfast (two Monster Energy drinks and a Pop-Tart) before strapping into my full-body armour suit, a typical hand-me-down from my older siblings. After receiving my parents’ blessings and saying a tearful goodbye to my golden terrier—both of whom I’m not sure I’ll ever see again—I set off in my mom’s battered old SUV for the start of my journey. There isn’t much action during the 49 minutes it actually takes to get to the parking lot, because the EHS administration decided that building a one-lane, lengthy path with both a roundabout and intersection on the way to the high school would provide for the most optimal, low-traffic arrival. True brilliance, folks. However, my armoured face mask is crucial for letting people know I mean business. The school also assigns a single, overwhelmed security guard to guide lanes of traffic. Like me, the administration didn’t see any need for a moderator to prevent the few student casualties occurring here and there. It was only when students began to vape in their cars that they decided lives were at stake and took action by appointing a guard. 

I, along with dozens of my fellow competitors, have garnered a steady streak of absences from first-period due to the morning battle session. It’s slightly disheartening since these absences resulted in a rescinding letter from my top choice of college, Harvard, but the battleground is also great for college applications, as a unique extracurricular most students commit to for four years.  

The second battle session, getting out of the lot, is far more gruelling and dangerous. Let me run you through some tips for this session most competitors find helpful:

1. You don’t need to stay in a single-file line to get out. I find that simply creating a new, unprecedented lane for yourself is helpful. After all, our education system does value individuality.
2. There is always room for another vehicle; I cannot stress the importance of this. Excessive honking and some crashing won’t hurt to come through victorious. Think of it as bumper cars. Take every opportunity to squeeze between and pass through cars; it is the simplest solution. 
3. Most importantly, focus on yourself. You are in this for the ultimate battle. Don’t be afraid to send cars or people hurtling into the woods or underneath your vehicle. Remember everything you have sacrificed: your money, any hint of a social life, decent grades, and so much more. 

 EHS prides itself on the unique experiences it provides for its students, especially this battleground. You can often find members of administration being interviewed on the field as other schools seek inspiration to provide the same for their students. Seeing as the battlefield is a prime example of a student-led and personalized experience, the administration does not like to get too involved in preserving the lives or futures of its students. 

Some students see the battleground as a much needed community on their journey in high school, not just because it provides a path, well, to the high school, but because it provides a sense of belonging. Competitors are often able to form connections between different grade levels; whether that is through an alliance, rivalry, or, occasionally, a simple wave through the windshield. Despite the time-commitment required, which many students complain about, the battleground remains as an opportunity for students to grow and develop outside of the high school setting.